500 Acres and No Place to Hide by Susan McCorkindale

Author:Susan McCorkindale [McCorkindale, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Biography & Autobiography, Nonfiction, Personal Memoirs, Retail
ISBN: 0451233360
Google: pxqfHuGgg64C
Amazon: 0451233360
Barnesnoble: 0451233360
Publisher: Penguin
Published: 2011-08-02T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-eight

CHRISTMAS IN COW COUNTRY

(OR, SUBURBANITES DECK THE HALLS, FARM FOLK DECK THE HEIFERS)

Hard to believe, but this will be our fourth Christmas on the farm. I really thought we’d have run screaming back to suburbia by now (or at least I would have), but no. Here we are. Still in cow country. And we’ve got several new family traditions to show for it.

Number one is my favorite, although all five are fun. Feel free to take ’em and tweak ’em. No cow? Light up the cat. No chicken to chase? Free the kids’ ferret. There’s no more magical way to make merry than by releasing your inner redneck.

So don’t wait a moment more. Deep-fry your turkey, stick chewing tobacco in your sweetie’s stocking, and absolutely, positively go for the gusto and give your whole gang—yes, even the baby—new double-barrel black-powder shotguns. They’re eleven hundred bucks a pop, but it’s the holidays. What’s a lung shot for the ones you love?

Oh, and while you’re at it? Don’t forget to have your Christmas picture taken with a camo-clad Santa. You haven’t lived until you’ve celebrated at least one holiday season sticks style.

#5. Annual “Plug in the Porch Lights (’Cause They’re Up Year-round)” Ritual

Time was when we spent Black Friday at the mall. Now that we’re farm folk and a trip to the stores means packing a lunch, we spend it on the porch. We gather the dogs, the kids, and the camera, and watch as dear Hemingway plugs in the outside lights. Once the sole province of the trailer-park set, leaving the lights up year-round makes seasonal exterior adornment a snap. Plus it’s frozen-hands- and four-letter-words-free!

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